he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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