Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
