my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
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