Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
