i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
