3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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