Don't make out with my wife yet
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
