i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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