cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
