I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
