I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
