he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
