the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
