it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
