we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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