Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I love black thongs
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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