i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
