I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
