she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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