i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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