That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
