A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
my shit smells like andre
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
