i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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