i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
