why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
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