Dual....:-)
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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