Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
