how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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