Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
