I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
