my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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