can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
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