Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Randomize
