Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
