he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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