I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
The Olympian is in my bed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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