Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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