My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
