Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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