If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
