Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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