I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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