I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
