yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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