Rock
Scissors
Fuck
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
