I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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