i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
