Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
