Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
