I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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