I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
