Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
