Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
