WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My vagina just recognized that song.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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