I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
