Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
