So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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